WHAT GOOD IS LOVE IF IT KEEPS

            ON HURTING ME?

Not that I'm hurt or anything=) I just needed or wanted an answer. It's Summer 2009, it still hasn't hit me yet. That I'm a junior, already? Seems so unreal. I wish I had a car and my polaroid camera had film. I'd be on ultimate natural high. Okay, so awhile back I said I was no longer going to talk about "him" until something changes and he decides to start a conversation. Hm, well the day came. First day of Summer. Great way to start it isn't it? I beg to differ. As much as I wanted that day to come I can say I didn't need it anymore. I mean like why? It's no longer necessary, though I guess it is to start of the upcoming school year with no hard feelings. Uhm, the conversation was alright. I still don't think how he started it was really how it should have but oh well. I can't always think it's going to happen like I saw it. On that note, it was typically weird but not so awkward. Just plain weird. I didn't expect a lot of what he mentioned, considering he knows not a part of me can ever trust him in that way again. It was more of a shocker that started my summer. To add more fuel to the fire, he mentioned coming over to bother my brother. In my head I was contemplating on wether to be excited or to throw my brain up. I avoided it and responded with some stupid crap that probably sounded ridiculous. Thank god he didn't though, I don''t think I would've been ready to be in the same house, breathing the same air as him. In fact, I don't think I'm ready to be his friend. But, I'm glad he has somebody to keep him company and one who can make him smile genuinely. If that even exist. That's it on that topic, moving on friends.

"SHE REALLY DOES."

That cutie; it's whatever. =) Once again, I'm trying to tell myself to be interested in someone that truly I'm not suppose to be interested on. I tend to always do that, just so I can tell myself I have somebody that I get those jittery butterflies from. In all honesty, I DON'T. He could've been a potential but I don't think it can go any further because as of now my mind and heart are cooperating. Which means, I know what I want and need and thats that. I don't need a boy to make me happy right now. And I'm surely glad I can have those days again, not worrying. Don't get me wrong, I still like being that sneaky little bug that would once in a while want to get an update on past relationships. I get all heated and laugh it off. It's so hilarious. Plain entertainment. Lovely.

Friends wise; speechless. I don't know how to start this off. Some are really great, some are really annoying and on my last nerve, some are fading, some are in non-existence anymore. I feel like some of them doesn't exist without school. Like you can live without ever speaking to them. It's absolutely heart breaking. But what can I do. I don't think I put enough effort on trying to kick it with a couple of friends only because I don't have transportation. I really need to learn which bus to take -__-. I will soon, one of these days. Hopefully, I'll get a car so that won't be needed. To go back on what I was saying; what's going to happen when high school finally ends? The fear of not having any contact with any of your friends from HS will come to life. I know it will. It's just kind of scary and I rather not think about it.

Topic of Family; content. Nothing really new. Money is always an issue my parents talk about and I'm really getting sick of it. I always get pissed off because that what my parents lives revolve on. It's like without it, you can't do shit. Though in reality that's true, but I don't think it's that fucking bad. Sorry, see I get all mad. I'm going to stop now.

Turning SIXTEEN: I'm amped but I don't know how I should celebrate it. I'm really wanting a party but once again the budget is an issue. It's all planned in my head but I don't know how its going to come out. So much planning. Don't know who to invite, or how many even. I don't want to invite a whole bunch of people. Gah, I don't know. Watch me end up with not having one. Oh well, I didn't have one last year for the first time and it was sad. Or I was sad. I'm sure I'll just be disappointed this year. Life's a bitch, I'm going to buy myself a helmet. Kbye.